Movie: Crank (2006)

How does Bill Crider always know my viewing habits in advance? Am I under surveillance, or simply that predictable?

In this non-stop action movie, a professional killer with the indisputably great name Chev Chelios* awakens to discover that he has been injected with a lethal fast-acting poison. The only way to stave off its effect is adrenaline, and lots of it. This circumstance thus paves the way for drug abuse, public lovemaking and multiple car chases.

In other words, it’s Speed with Jason Statham in the role of the bus. It’s A.D.D.O.A. The movie is shot like a video game and edited with a machete. It’s completely ridiculous, deeply implausible, and thoroughly disreputable. And as such, I enjoyed the hell out of it. Extra points for the ending and an excellent ironic soundtrack.

* I would pledge to christen my firstborn Chev Chelios Keenan regardless of gender, but I’m already committed to Ernst Stavro Keenan.