TV: Neither Freak Nor Geek

I knew when I got into this racket that the pop culture rubric was a broad one, and that I was better qualified in some areas than others. Consider television. I’ve admitted before that there are plenty of classic and current shows I’ve never seen. But lately I’ve been popping episodes of Arrested Development like Raisinettes, so I thought I could hold my own on the boob tube front.

Apparently not, according to this TV Squad article. (Hat tip to The Rap Sheet.) It lists the ten things you need to be considered a fully-fledged TV geek, and yours truly comes up woefully short. Let’s run through ‘em. Timpani!

(Only a TV geek would make that joke, right? Who else watches the Jerry Lewis Telethon?)

1. At least one TV over forty inches.

No. We only have one TV, and the dimensions of the current Chez K made a plasma screen seem like a waste of money.

2. At least one TiVo or Replay TV.

Yes. We have a DVR, mainly to pluck obscure movies off TCM in the wee small hours. It’s not full. Never has been. We also use it to record the following TV series: The Office, 30 Rock and E!’s The Soup, which crams a week’s worth of bad TV into 22 minutes.

3. At least two VCR’s.

VC-what’s? We have one. I can’t recall the last time we used it for anything. Wait, I think we served drinks off it last month.

4. A videotape filled with episodes of a show only you enjoy.

We have a tape of Blackadder’s Christmas Carol. And who doesn’t enjoy that?

5. A recliner.

Come on.

6. A TV small enough to take anywhere.

No. Besides, I never go anywhere.

7. Total Television, by Alex McNeil.

No. We do have a well-thumbed copy of The Complete Directory To Prime Time Network And Cable TV Shows, 1946-Present, by Tim Brooks and Earle Marsh, although in this cast “present” means “1995.” Because sometimes you just need to know exactly how long Gavilan ran.

8. Digital cable or a satellite.

Yes. But that’s so I can watch Mets games.

9. Two or more biographies by TV personalities that shouldn’t have been written.

I can only cop to one: Backstage With The Original Hollywood Square, by Peter Marshall. But it came with a CD of zingers from the show, and I could make the case that the book needed, nay, demanded to be written.

10. ‘Television’s Greatest Hits’ CDs by Tee Vee Toons.

Nope. Never even tempted.

So that’s one point each for #2 and #8. I feel that I deserve partial credit for #7 and #9, as well as the fact that I can identify the author of this article, Paul Goebel, from his stint on the Comedy Central game show Beat The Geeks. Giving me a final score of ... what, 2.88?

Maybe I should change the subhead of this blog to Movies, Crime Fiction, Baseball, Jazz and Hard Liquor. That’s all I’m really interested in anyway.